can i get your picture? i collect natural disasters.

i appear aloof and oblivious to what's happening, in hope that by doing so, those awful things i'm trying to block out would subsequently disappear. but alas, i'm no longer three and the world's not as pretty as it seemed anymore. i run away from things. therefore i'm a coward, an escapist. i'm irresponsible. i'm self-centered, i don't care. to find that people closest to me would think this way. very maligned and disappointed at the same time. shouldn't they know me better?

what if i'm just trying to protect myself? don't i have the right to do so? or is the obligation, the duty as a daughter.. more important than my well being? anyway, my opinions didn't matter before. so why should they now?

in the midst of my escapism, the old habits are starting to act up. click click click, kaching! i guess i'm fortunate enough that my allowance is unlimited. not because there is an abundance of smackeroos, but because nobody can be bothered to check. i actually get a kick out of seeing daddy raise his eyebrows at the cc statement. though that only happened twice. i'd trade everything i've bought for happiness to my loved ones. honestly. even my precious balenciaga and chanel. really. and now to the other secret 1,500 mission :)